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I swear it has been raining and miserable this weekend. I decided to skip the Walk for Autism because Corey woke up agitated and I didn't think getting the bottom of his shoes wet was going to win me any points. It was HIS birthday after all and I didn't see the point in forcing him to do something he wouldn't enjoy. So we went to IHOP instead my mom was there and I think Corey was happy with the schedule change. After that he hit the streets with his dad. It was just Corey and Don because Cam spent the day with my mom. Don took Corey to get his haircut 1st, I don't think I have mentioned how vain Mr. Corey can be. He is all about having the fresh haircut and his clothes being just right. He was a happy young man riding around with Don visiting that side of the family. And I was able to get a few hours to myself which is always a good thing.
Of course Don only picked Corey up because he was horny and was hoping to convince me to spend the night. As I suspected a leopard doesn't change his spots. He even had the nerve to mention that he didn't leave any nasty or threatening messages the last couple of weeks like I was supposed to give him a gold star or something. I realized today that he brings out the worst in me. When I am around him I feel so much anger and resentment. And anything that is upsetting me about Corey is magnified because I know he doesn't have to deal with any of it. Sometimes Don can go for days or even a couple of weeks without contacting me or offering to lend a hand. Maybe that is love to him but it is just not working for me. And at this point even if he were able to change I have 15 years of pent up anger and resentment that I don't think I can forget or forgive.
I have always said I want to do whatever I can to keep Don in the boy's life, and that is partly true. But I also think I resent the fact that he can just walk away like Corey having autism never happened. I am beginning to realize that a big part of the reason I stick with Don is just to make sure he does his fair share of the work with Corey. But the bottom line is I don't have any control over that and it doesn't matter if we are having sex or not. If I was totally honest with myself I would have to admit that he already did walk away like Corey being autistic never happened. The only thing I have done by continuing to sleep with him is make something that was wrong even worse. I have taken the role of the good mom doing whatever she could to take care of her sons. But the truth is my intentions are wrapped up with so much anger and resentment that there is no way anything positive could come from them. This is the hard truth I have to face if I am ever going to move on with my life.
Of course Don only picked Corey up because he was horny and was hoping to convince me to spend the night. As I suspected a leopard doesn't change his spots. He even had the nerve to mention that he didn't leave any nasty or threatening messages the last couple of weeks like I was supposed to give him a gold star or something. I realized today that he brings out the worst in me. When I am around him I feel so much anger and resentment. And anything that is upsetting me about Corey is magnified because I know he doesn't have to deal with any of it. Sometimes Don can go for days or even a couple of weeks without contacting me or offering to lend a hand. Maybe that is love to him but it is just not working for me. And at this point even if he were able to change I have 15 years of pent up anger and resentment that I don't think I can forget or forgive.
I have always said I want to do whatever I can to keep Don in the boy's life, and that is partly true. But I also think I resent the fact that he can just walk away like Corey having autism never happened. I am beginning to realize that a big part of the reason I stick with Don is just to make sure he does his fair share of the work with Corey. But the bottom line is I don't have any control over that and it doesn't matter if we are having sex or not. If I was totally honest with myself I would have to admit that he already did walk away like Corey being autistic never happened. The only thing I have done by continuing to sleep with him is make something that was wrong even worse. I have taken the role of the good mom doing whatever she could to take care of her sons. But the truth is my intentions are wrapped up with so much anger and resentment that there is no way anything positive could come from them. This is the hard truth I have to face if I am ever going to move on with my life.
