I deleted this comment from your previous post, because it was late and I didn't feel like explaining enough. I imagine that you must have picked this up from the email.
Cat, I am not suggesting that this is a "blame the victim" situation; in fact, when I'm saying that "women allow it", I'm not talking specifically about you. It's my belief that women in general tend to excuse or ignore jerky behavior from guys. Sometimes they actually encourage it, although they do so under a different guise; when men do something stupid once or twice, that's normal boundary setting, but after several months of guys being disrespectful and women allowing them to "apologize" without atoning simply reinforces their attitude that they can get away with anything as long as they look sheepish for a couple of days and buy flowers.
Please note that I have no idea what things were like with you and your husband, nor do I pretend to. I'm reacting as one of the millions of "nice" guys who have wondered time and again why women always seem to ignore us in favor of the "bad boys".
And yes, your husband needs to be responsible for his own behavior; I have no idea why he's gone separated for ten years. To me, that's totally whacked. All you can be responsible for is your own behavior; removing yourself from the relationship and moving forward has obviously taught you a lot more than it's taught him.
no subject
Cat, I am not suggesting that this is a "blame the victim" situation; in fact, when I'm saying that "women allow it", I'm not talking specifically about you. It's my belief that women in general tend to excuse or ignore jerky behavior from guys. Sometimes they actually encourage it, although they do so under a different guise; when men do something stupid once or twice, that's normal boundary setting, but after several months of guys being disrespectful and women allowing them to "apologize" without atoning simply reinforces their attitude that they can get away with anything as long as they look sheepish for a couple of days and buy flowers.
Please note that I have no idea what things were like with you and your husband, nor do I pretend to. I'm reacting as one of the millions of "nice" guys who have wondered time and again why women always seem to ignore us in favor of the "bad boys".
And yes, your husband needs to be responsible for his own behavior; I have no idea why he's gone separated for ten years. To me, that's totally whacked. All you can be responsible for is your own behavior; removing yourself from the relationship and moving forward has obviously taught you a lot more than it's taught him.