Okay, this is a story. It's a mere anecdote, and not meant to do anything except to illustrate a point. It's not "proof" of anything, nor am I even drawing any conclusions. So don't get mad at me.
Right after college, a good friend and I rented an apartment together, our first bachelor pad. No lava lights or shag carpeting, but it was a nice place, warm, off-street parking, and working utilities.
My friend and I were both known as being polite, attentive, sensitive, and well read. Translation: we were often dateless on Saturday nights. And Fridays. Not much happening on Thursdays, either, unless you count the chaste kiss (of death) followed by "I really like you as a friend..."
Anyway, my friend finally snapped under the pressure. He decided that the only way to get any action was to be a real jerk. An "insufferable bastard", I beleive he termed it. And he methodically set about acting as boorish and loutish as one could imagine. I tried this, too, but when we traded tales, he was much better at it than I. He stood women up, neglected to call them afterwards, stopped taking them to nice places for dinner and took them instead to dives. He stopped picking them up, insisting that dates meet him someplace.
And unbelievably, his social calendar was always full. He did this for about a year and a half. I met many of his dates; some of them worked with him, some of them met him through other friends. The weirdest part was that some of them told me that they had never really "noticed" him before, but lately found that there was something "different" about him. One of them used to call me monthly to complain about how he never called her anymore, and asked if he had mentioned anything about her lately.
He and I lost touch over the years, but ran into each other a few years ago, and we spent a few hours talking about that whole thing. I now think that he used it as an excuse to take out some hositility on women in general, but that's a completely unprofessional opinion. But the fact remains that date-wise, he was much more "succesful" at attracting women when he acted like a jerk.
He finally met someone that he liked enough to make him stop. There is no small irony in that she turned out to have a bitchy streak a mile wide, and after about 15 years, she divorced him.
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Right after college, a good friend and I rented an apartment together, our first bachelor pad. No lava lights or shag carpeting, but it was a nice place, warm, off-street parking, and working utilities.
My friend and I were both known as being polite, attentive, sensitive, and well read.
Translation: we were often dateless on Saturday nights.
And Fridays.
Not much happening on Thursdays, either, unless you count the chaste kiss (of death) followed by "I really like you as a friend..."
Anyway, my friend finally snapped under the pressure. He decided that the only way to get any action was to be a real jerk. An "insufferable bastard", I beleive he termed it. And he methodically set about acting as boorish and loutish as one could imagine. I tried this, too, but when we traded tales, he was much better at it than I. He stood women up, neglected to call them afterwards, stopped taking them to nice places for dinner and took them instead to dives. He stopped picking them up, insisting that dates meet him someplace.
And unbelievably, his social calendar was always full. He did this for about a year and a half. I met many of his dates; some of them worked with him, some of them met him through other friends. The weirdest part was that some of them told me that they had never really "noticed" him before, but lately found that there was something "different" about him. One of them used to call me monthly to complain about how he never called her anymore, and asked if he had mentioned anything about her lately.
He and I lost touch over the years, but ran into each other a few years ago, and we spent a few hours talking about that whole thing. I now think that he used it as an excuse to take out some hositility on women in general, but that's a completely unprofessional opinion. But the fact remains that date-wise, he was much more "succesful" at attracting women when he acted like a jerk.
He finally met someone that he liked enough to make him stop. There is no small irony in that she turned out to have a bitchy streak a mile wide, and after about 15 years, she divorced him.
I'm sure that there's a lesson in here someplace.
Tom Allen
The Edge of Vanilla